Feel the pain

Depressed, sad, alone, angry and lonely. Those are only a few feelings a person could feel when the one they thought was the one had left them.

Break ups are never easy, and will never be easy. It takes time, effort and a forgiving compassionate heart to forgive and move on.

Break ups can either make you or break you. It can even drive someone crazy, crazy enough to send them into psychiatric hospitals. Being alone after a relationship is a huge challenge, because you got so used to it that everything became a habit. When break ups happen we long for our partner. We miss their good morning messages, their I love you babes and the warmth of their bodies when you cuddle. It’s only but normal to miss all those, We’re only human as they say.

But when does the pain end? When would the longing stop? I once read an article that the only way to move on is to let your self experience the pain. So what does that mean? It means that in order to move on you need to resolve every feelings you have. Feel and experience the sadness and the pain and mourn the loss. Dont deny yourself of the pain. It is there for a reason, and the reason is for you to feel it. It may be a bad feeling, a uncomfortable one but you need it to move on.

Now, how do you do it?

Before anything else, you need to acknowledge that the relationship has failed, and that it is over. Setting your mind to it will help you ease into moving on. Next is allow yourself to mourn, talk to family or friends. nothing is better than talking to someone really close to you and would make you feel you’re not alone in this troubling times. Then try to preoccupy yourself, do activities you dont normally do. Do something that you and your partner wouldnt do when you were a couple. Doing unfamiliar things will help you forget about them. Lastly always remember that moving on takes time, its never easy but the main key here is patience. A person can never jump into a new relationship without resolving the past. A clear past will blossom into a more beautiful future.

Miss Independent

Im 21 years old, a nursing graduate, an achiever,independent, and has her head on straight and has a lot of plans for her future.

I was raised by a wonderful mother and an awesome father. My mom’s a Nurse and my dad’s a Marine Engineer. I have two great siblings, an older brother who’s super smart and a younger sister who’s very talented, which makes me the middle child (which explains my independent personality). I couldn’t ask for more for a family. I’m more than lucky to have them.

Im one of those girls you can classify as INTIMIDATING. Not only because i wear really dark lipstick and do my eyebrows thick but because I’m independent, strong and can stand alone. I know what I want and I fight to get that.

In my 21 years of existence i’ve only had 2 serious relationships. After that were just dates and hook-ups. Which was fun, but never really lasted. I usually ask people if I’m really indeed intimidating and almost all of the time they’d say yes.

Honestly, i don’t know what to do. I crave love. but can’t seem to get some because i scare guys off with my unreachable confidence.

Guys, independent strong women need loving too. We may look like we don’t need you but we do. We also need to be taken cared of. We want someone to go home to, to cook dinner to and to cuddle with at night.

We may seem confident like we own the world, we may look like we got everything on track and we may be on top of our game. But we need a significant other to share the success we have accomplished. Ain’t nothing better than a man being proud of his woman.

To the guys that we seem to scare off, we’re sorry. I’m not sure how we scared you off but please try again. It never hurts to try and be as confident like us and approach us may it be in a club, in the mall or even in a church. Just smile, walk like you’re the man come up to us and say Hi. Maybe then after that we can make an awesome love story. Confidence is the key to an independent and strong women’s heart.

The real love

I was listening to my iPod last week, and a song played. The song was entitled “Love Fool” by the Cardigans if im not mistaken this song was also featured in the movie Romeo and Juliet. Here are some parts of the song

Dear, I fear we’re facing a problem
You love me no longer, I know
And maybe there is nothing
That I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn’t bother
That I ought to stick to another man
A man that surely deserves me
But I think you do!


Lately I have desperately pondered,
Spent my nights awake and I wonder
What I could have done in another way
To make you stay
Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don’t care if you really care
As long as you don’t go

Listening to the song and eternalizing the lyrics I pondered. And I thought to myself why do we still hold on to relationships that didnt work? Why do we still run after them after they have left us? Why do we still make effort to catch their attention? Why do we result into doing things we dont normally do just to get them back? Alot of queries really but the main question is WHY?

I know im not alone on this one, even I myself is guilty on doing this. Running after an ex and begging them back.

We go into relationships because we wanna feel loved, accepted and we want to express our emotions to someone special physically (kissing, hugging and cuddling). We like having relationships for a variety of reason and those reasons vary from person to person.

Every part of a relationship has its ups and downs, it even has phases. And sometimes the downs will never be ups again, and eventually the love fades and the relationship drifts.

Then here comes the crying, the fighting, the begging and the bargaining. Sometimes some relationships are lucky enough to get second chances but some aren’t. That’s why we chase, we run and we try to fight to get that back. But we never totally realize maybe there’s a reason why it didn’t work out, maybe it was for the better and maybe because both of you deserve someone else to be happier. Why chase? when we have alot of people around us loving us and that cares for us. We have our family and our friends. We have more than what we asked for when it comes to love, but we just disregarded it because we’re more focused on the love of a boyfriend or girlfriend can give. Most of the time we forget that our family and friends love us too. We may have alot of failed relationships, and even if we have fought for it, chased it, and begged for it and it still never worked out always remember the love of friends and family will NEVER fail.


I always ask myself why im still single. Often times I open topics about relationships with my friends and ask them why do they think im still single? I ask them if im ugly, or if im not sexy enough or hot enough all those silly things. Other times I ask them if im really that unapproachable and intimidating. Almost all the time they would answer me that Im not ugly, infact im “pretty” and “cute” . Upon hearing those answers I ask myself, what is wrong with me? What should be corrected or what should be changed?

I always ponder on those things. I have thought of those stuff in the wee hours of the morning, when I workout, when I grab drinks and party. The thought of being single bugged me, it consumed me, and it became a burning passion to know why I can’t seem to find “the guy ive ever wanted” .
Us girls, we set standards. We set standards on almost anything. Like other girls, I set some too. May it be on the clothes I buy, the shoes I wear or the make ups that I use. I make a list of the things that that product should have to ensure quality and to make sure that those stuff I bought would suit me. And I don’t only set standards on those, I also set standards on the guys I wanna date. I always obsess on writing on a piece of paper the set of traits, attitudes of the guys I would want to be with since elementary, high school and even up to college, Yes I was that obsessed.
Here are some of those:
1.He should be family oriented
2.He should have clean toe nails
3.He should workout, or at least stay healthy
4.He should not smoke
5.He should always wear decent clothes
6.He needs to text me when he can
7.He should call me at least 3 times a week
8. We should have dates, even cheap dates or dates we don’t need to spend money as long as we’re together (that’s all that matters)
9. He should play a sport
11. He should know how to drive
12. Never did drugs
13. Goes to church
14. Will remember all the significant dates in our relationship
15.Should respect me, be loyal to me and be smart enough to flow with me
16. He can have smart conversations with me
17. Can play at least one instrument
18. Is not intimidated by me
19. Needs to smell good
20. Loves my friends and can chill with them all

Honestly, I do believe some of the things I wrote are okay and would be understandable because who wouldn’t want a boyfriend that’s family oriented that goes to church and is loyal and loving. But the other stuff are just a tad bit whack, I know. That’s why i realized, is it that really important to follow the list of standards we have? Is it really necessary to stick to the whacky rules we made because we think our prince charmings should be a certain way?

It is fun making the list, it is awesome writing those stuff in between classes and breaks and have random day dreams of about the guy we always wanted. Sometimes though we’re too busy writing what’s perfect and we over looked what’s right. We may be preoccupied with the fantasy we always wanted and we disregarded the reality. We remained focused on the piece of paper we have and never noticed the guy that sat beside us while we were writing our “lovers standards”. That’s when I realized that maybe we don’t need those standards. Maybe we have met Mr. Right but we ignored him because we want the Mr. Perfect we always dreamed of. We ignored that guy who wore that weird pants, we made fun of that guy who had the big nose, we laughed at that guy who tried to approach us at the gym because his shoes was dirty. We never gave those guys a chance because they never hit one mark on the list we have. And its unfair, we didn’t give them time to share what they had to share. Maybe they were amazing, maybe they are better than the perfect guy we have dreamed of. Think about it, is it fair? Is it right? Is justifiable to judge a guy and compare him to the list we have? I know guys also have their list of standards. But maybe we should forget about that, but not totally. Maybe its better to wing it with love? Let our fate play with it. Sometimes the most unexpected thing are the ones that are the best. In the end it’s not the guy we always want, but it’s the guy we never expected to want.

You don’t need empathy to support a depressed person

Under Reconstruction

When a friend was hospitalized for appendicitis, people flocked to visit him at the hospital. When I was clinically depressed, some who knew it avoided me like the plague. But I completely understand — it’s natural for us to be afraid of the unfamiliar, including unfamiliar illnesses. And when it comes to depression, people are wary not because they are afraid it might be contagious (hey, many don’t even recognize it as an illness!), but because they are afraid of saying the “wrong” thing.

A friend once apologized to me, “I’m sorry I haven’t been reaching out to you or being there for you. I’m not like J — I wish I were, but I’m not. But know that I’ve been praying for you, okay?”

At the time, I smiled and told him not to worry about it. I read between the lines and I read his facial expressions — I…

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The Limits of Memory

Love in the Spaces


You have insufficient memory.

Deadpan.  As if no irony were involved, my computer informed me it had aborted the task of uploading digital pictures.

I don’t ask that much of my computer, but there you have it.

I had amassed more than 1300 photos on my wee camera.  Too many pictures, with nowhere to go.

At first my rapidly antiquating computer flashed a sign that I was low on memory.  Then, having failed to get a reaction from me, it balked like a testy toddler and shut itself down, refusing to even consider loading another picture until I cleared space on my hard drive.

The only way to do this was, at long last, to go through the archives and dispense with the over and under-lit shots, the closed eyes, the needless near-identical extras.  The pictures that simply were not special enough to occupy space in my memory.


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